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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Everything in Perspective...

Is there a study on how many couples stay married albeit unhappy for whatever reasons? I found none. Instead, my search led me to a catholic education website which lists in details why marriage is good for you. That article instead provided the latest data on the percentage of unhappy marriages that remained unhappy even after sticking it out. Accordingly, data show that within five years, just 12 percent of very unhappily married couples who stick it out are still unhappy; 70 percent of the unhappiest couples now describe their marriage as "very" or "quite" happy. Is this something to hope for?

Sometimes i think that it's indeed true that we have been raised with unrealistic expectations with regards to relationships in general and marriage in particular.  If in our growing up years, we didn't know anything about princesses that needed rescuing, knights in shining whatever, and happy-ever-after endings we would fare better as adults.  We would see our partners as faulty individuals who have minds and wants and needs of their own different from ours.  That it's okay for couples to have differences and fight about those differences.  And hopefully make up without lingering resentments.

Really, i'm at a loss here. I don't know what to do.  But does someone ever really knows? When confronted with situations that could potentially change you and children's future and emotional states? Does it ever gets any easier. I am full of questions and I sure could use some wisdom here.  Do not even mention love.  It get's messier.  If love is absent, it should not be this painful right? I suppose, it is much harder when you are at the crossroads. If one has taken the leap, then all one has to do is worry about the next bend not anymore of what's left behind.

But then, i should really view things from every perspective.  I should constantly remind myself of the happy times when the unhappy moments come visiting. I should patiently look and appreciate the minutest of effort he expends for us to stay together. Employ selective amnesia on the heated words exchange in moments of anger, otherwise there is no chance for peaceful coexistence and love to grow.  Patience is a virtue, I know. It seems, both of us could benefit from patience. I am mumbling. What's clear though is that i have become my own therapist.  Whether i can do it or not , either way I am right.  And not too long ago, I have already decided that I am in this for the long haul.  The ball is on the other court now.  If and when this family breaks, it will not be my call.

So much for dark thoughts, here's Maggie Gallagher's Top Ten Reasons Why Marriage is Good For You (click this link for a more exhaustive explanation):

10.  It's safer
9.    It can save your life.
8.    It can save your kid's life.
7.    You will earn more money.
6.   You'll get much richer
5.    You'll tame his cheatin' heart(hers too)
4.    You won't go bonkers
3.    It will make you happy
2.    Your kids will love you more
1.    You'll have better sex, more often.
Don't wanna end this article on a bad note so i'll qoute Maggie Gallager's parting shot.  She said "Just as good marriages go bad, bad marriages go good. And they have a better chance of doing so in a society that recognizes the value of marriage than one that sings the statistically dubious joys of divorce."

So work on it...

*photos taken from holy kaw website


  1. It's hard when the going gets tough, all I know is partners shouldn't just give up. For me, personally giving up shouldn't be the first choice. I've always believed in that we should exhaust all of our effort..together.. It'll be different when one has given up fighting for the love. It's easier said than done..besides nobody really said that it'll be an easy ride maybe we should view it as a challenge that we have to go through and at the end of the tunnel we'll see light and we'll be more mature and wiser

  2. Yup..and sometimes drama makes for good writing. I do have a flair for the dramatics perhaps to account for my otherwise boring existence . :)