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Thursday, January 14, 2016

Here I Go Again..



My inbox is full of emails from Pinterest.  I can't quite delete it since i might miss something that i may like, like the quote above.  Midlife and still hang up on quotes, pathetic you think right? Actually, i think that.  I'm pretty judgemental on myself, more forgiving of the faults of others.  

Anyway, I am on the brink of resigning from my day job.  Yes,  after several months or 2 years give or take several months I still needed the final push to resign.  It's not that easy especially when it affords you financial freedom.  That is mainly the tie that keeps me hanging to my current job, otherwise I am pretty much excited spending most of my days with my children, contemplating what else I am gonna do.

As for the above quote,  I have found peace long ago with myself, with flaws and all and don't give much thought about what others think of me.  What i do worry incessantly is what happens when i no longer have a job.  Where do I get the money to help my aging parents? Etc etc.. The husband assures me not to worry about these things and just hand in my resignation. Still...

Lord help me.

P.S.

I did hand in my resignation letter. I feel much better now.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

For a moment..

I know i have a lot to be thankful for.  I truly am.  But let me be sad for just a moment.  Let me wallow in this depressed state which i have tried to hide for so long.  I really thought i could pull it off, you know being emotionless, having a constant poker face to keep sadness away.  It is so damn hard to shoo you away, sadness.  I suppose, i will just to drown you away with my tears and pray sleep will come to my rescue.  Perhaps then, i can start selectively caring.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Kung #mayForever

KA friend got married today and our family played a great part in the entourage.  They have been civilly married since 2011  but were never under the same roof because the parent's bride more specifically the father was not so keen on the groom.  The bride is of chinese descent  courtesy of the father.  

Anyway, sans revealing private matters suffice it to say that the bride's family has accepted the groom to their family.  Since the groom's family hails from the southernmost part of the country known mainly as haven for muslim separatists and rebels, this was actually the first time that they all have met.  And so perhaps, it is only natural that there would be awkwardness between both families.  And yet, i see no real effort by the bride's family to act as gracious hosts here.  To put it bluntly,  the bride's family was snobbish to the groom's family. At best, they were just ignoring us.  I consider myself part of the family since the groom has been living with us for about 5 years now.  More than me being piqued at this situation, what i really wanted to see and which was clearly missing was for the bride's family to be more accomodating and hospitable. After all, a marriage between 2 person also means that the two families are now connected.  At the very least, they won't be seeing the groom's family after this event because travel to Manila is just not attractive to them and is actually more of a hassle to them. So perhaps it was not too much to expect Filipino hospitality? 

Consider this the ramblings of a sleepy but can't sleep mother of 4.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Split Seconds..

Yesterday around 6:30pm i had a near-miss accident.  I nearly hit a motorcycle riding delivery boy because he decided ti run past a red light.  Thankfully, my children all four of them were alright along with 6 other passengers.  Since it was a hard stop, the tendency is to be thrown forward and am really grateful the children wore seatbelts.  Amir's nanny had her face hit the backrest of my seat but i think she's fine now.

I never like motorcycle riding people.  Most are cocky and acts like they are invincible and disregards public safety and their own.  

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Fear and Darkness


Had some drama this night because my eldest won't and can't go to sleep without our youngest girl by her side. Add the fact that i turned off the lights.  She cried and cried and ask if she may sleep with her yaya or with nanay.

When i was her age i had also some specific fears which made my father angry because l literally won't comply with his biddings because i was so afraid of somethings. 

It seems there is no rationalization for the thing that you fear.  All you can really do is to fight it.  The night and the darkness cast a large shadow on the things we fear which makes it all too real.

Getting angry won't do her any good, understanding her fears finally made jer lie down in her own bed.  But i can still hear her sobbing. Hayyy..