Tangled

Not really. Been searching for the right word to describe the predicament, we are in. All i can think is the visayan "hasul". Really. Can't say anything about it yet. It feels like everything is magnified when it's written already. Not that anybody is gonna read about it. It's not as if i have even one avid reader. Oh wait, i do. Me. He he

Hhaaahh. I feel like taking a deep breath and exhaling that word in a long time now. It's nearing a year and this transaction is nowhere near completion. I'm crossing my fingers. God Almighty, you lead us to this property and You have always been generous. Please help us resolve this problem to the satisfaction of all parties involved. Amen.

Why so many aches?

Back to waking up at unholy hours of the night or morning. Partly because I kept on hearing Maggie suck on her thumb. And then am back to my fears. Why the chestpains yesterday early morning when i was about to get up on my right side? Why the stiff neck these past few months? I have chronic hyperacidity, my uric acid is not normal and i feel muscle twitches everywhere. Is it the food I am eating?
Could it be stress from unconcious thought about the fact that i may be without job in the coming months? From this problematic property that we are buying?
Or from the sedentary lifestyle?

You just turned 40 not 60. So stop these aches. Move.

Crippling Fear, Shyness

Yesterday, I prepared an envelope as mass offering for the dead. I wanted to be the one to offer it during the mass but the church was crowded and with me are my girls who i know will likely go with me during the procession and besides I will be carrying Maggie who is probably around 17 lbs already. So i gave the envelop to my aunt. But when the time came, she just puy it in the collection basket. I must admit, i was really very angry, I feel like shouting at her. It felt like my prayers for the dead came to nothing because it went to the collection basket. Unreasonable, I know since God is a great God and He would understand each and every little thoughts behind our action. I willed myself to let go of my angry feelings, after all we were attending church and thank God my anger disappears slowly that when we reached home, it no longer bothered me.

She said that she didn't go with the rest of those who offered during the mass because, she didn't see anyone who was holding envelop offerings for the dead. Why would that stop her? Is there a church doctrine that prohibits offering prayers for the dead during the offertory? If there is, my fault. But yesterday, i just thougth her actions resulted from shyness or fear of ridicule or admonition. And i shouldn't blame her because I'm sure nobody wanted to be like that, painfully fearful. I don't blame my grandparents for her upbringing, others have much more emotional baggage than that. Besides, they are wonderful grandparents to me. I just needed to point out how much of elife we are missing if we allow it to get hold of us. My aunt is a college graduate. She could have applied for a job, work on her own but she chose to work on the family business, didn't get marry and it's not for shortage of suitors. She talks of Lola having a nervous breakdown sometime in their distant past, maybe she also suffered one just that nobody wad aware of it. I think that she has too much fear in her, crippling her.

I have that also. Fearful thoughts, fear creeps into my head especially at night or dawn waking up thinking. Sometimes, i am so burdened by my fears, i forgot that being alive each day is a wonderful gift already. And so i struggle, everyday to overcome my fears. So help me God.

Handywoman

So it's 2am and i got up to pee and noticed that the pipes were vibrating due to strong water pressure. Indeed, the pressure's too strong that it made our outside faucet come off and spouted water into the bahaykubo thus temporarily flooding the area.

That's the trouble of not knowing where to turn the water off. Thankfully, i possessed enough sense of turning off the water supply at the main line near the water meter. And to think i was apprehensive of opening the gate because you can never trust to open your gates at unholy hours. You never know of bad elements lurking out there. Yeah, like robbers, etc. But i didn't have a choice because the water meter is outside our gate. Thankfully, there seems to be nobody around. Well, there was these 2 motorcycles ridden by 2 teens riding in tandem that passed by after we already closed the gate. Whew, thank God.

Anyway, i will be buying that thingy that will permanently shut the excess faucet outside that bursted out. And i'll probably the one to do the attaching myself. At any rate, i am just glad that our little problem is caused by an abundance of water instead of the lack of it.

I actually am getting to be a handywoman. Which reminds me, i need to take the car for an oil change or whatever it is that fixes dark smoke coming out of the tailpipe.

Kim Kardashian Divorce

Whew...after only about 72 days of marriage. Methinks, the marriage is just part of their show. They supposedly earn close to 20M with regards to their wedding ceremony. They certainly know how to profit from their looks!