Problems of The Heart

Back in 2006 I was diagnosed to have a mild mitral valve prolapse. I went into depression, had panic attacks.  I was a regular at my cardiologist's clinic even waiting for my turn to see her at midnight.  In my hometown, there were only 2 cardio practitioners so you can just imagine the patients not counting those who came from nearby provinces.  So, I have a lot to be thankful for.  God has helped me get out of that depression and has helped me live with my condition.

Fast forward to 2013, my latest 2d echo does not show the mvp which I really am thankful again to God but there is something else.  I'll have to do diligent exercise now, refrain from pork and all those unhealthy food and habits, try to sleep more, chose fruits and vegetables. Yes, i feel that I am old.  And the older i get, the more that i have been praying to God.  Not the traditional going to church every sunday, but more on meditating on God's greatness, power and love. 

So i still worry at times but i try to not let it consume me.  Maybe my heart's anatomy is like that and perhaps the junk that my body has been taking this past year has made my heart a little bit out of health.  I pray to God, it can still be reversed with a lifestyle change.  I really hope to see all my children finished school, find a way to make a living for themselves, find life partners , have children of their own.  All that and remain healthy and strong for myself, my husband, my children.  My prayer.

What Should I Pray About?

Dear Almighty God,

How are you able to forgive and forgive fully? You see, i need Your help right now. I've been lied to,insulted and hurt so many times, it would seem i have lost the ability to trust. How do you trust someone who repeatedly lie to you and spread rumors about you to justify their wrongdoing?

Is my prayer correct? Should i be praying instead to have the strenght To leave?

I really wanna know.

Supplication

My eyes want to sleep but thougts are whirling in my brain. That and my right leg is acting up again. I'd really like a massage right now, that would help me sleep. The discomfort on my right side just below the breast bone is bothering me, conjoring not fearful thoughts. Haah. Dear God, please help me. Heal me.

Of heartaches and chestpains

I am bothered again by the chestpains that i felt. I started feeling it yesterday. I guess it was prompted by yesterday's anger. The day before it was sadness over a casual remark by somebody. I never did like being the target of a green joke. It's harrassment. But of course, I can't say anything about it. I have mouths to feed. Yup, welcome to the real world. I have also been unmindful of what i eat. I have been eating pizza for the last few days courtesy of officemates' gain on the stockmarket. And i gained weight, and getting to lazy to exercise.

No matter, it's actually an improvement of sort. Back home, it's like a weekly occurence. Sometimes, i think it is triggered by anxiety. I am always conscious of my heartrate, the need to exercise, and being too picky with what i eat. Since living here in the big city, i don't put too much stock on everything anymore. I figured, if your life stops there, there's probably nothing much that anyone can do. And so , i have more peaceful thoughts. I am also pre-occupied with other things and so i have less time thinking about my situations.

I guess, i need another vacation now. In truth, I will be going back home. Visiting my family, attending a wedding, so i will just concentrate in having fun. Yup, i need to concentrate to have fun. That's how mental my problem is. I can't help but think about it in my alone time. But i have so much to be thankful for. And everytime, i'm just so down, i think of them(my kids) and everything just keeps getting brighter. Did i mention, praying helps?