Some Nights..

Some days i sleep peacefully, other days 3 hours is good enough. Sometimes, it's a full bladder that wakes me up. Sometimes, it's a dream so real it leaves me thinking all night. Some of the times, i think of the past and how it has hurt me. Then anger builds up and it would affect me negatively through out the day if my sane self would not butt in and positivize me.

Other times, thoughts of the future keeps me awake. Most times, it's just me lacking physical activity during the day. I certainly don't think that it is my conscience that's keeping me awake all night. I haven't done anything wrong to anybody or anyone that deserves a sleepless night. In fact i knew of someone who does a friend wrong with the most hurtful betrayal and yet sleeps like a baby. So no, i don't think
conscience has to do with it. Actually, i am sleepy already but i just ate andfor hyperacidic like me, it wouldn't do good to lie down immediately after eating. In the meantime, i will blog.

Tale of A Married Woman Who Cheated.

For starters, I am not that woman. But i do know of a married woman who has been cheating on her husband for more than two years. She looks very conservative on the outside and very shy in fact but when she was being wooed by an equally married man, she surrendered to temptation and even develop an appetite for it finding it easy to lie to the husband, friends and family alike. She even orchestrated to tie the guy to her by claiming that her youngest is his. She cemented the relationship by sending love messages to the guy. If you see her, you wouldn't even think that she is capable of saying all the things that she said to the guy in their messages to each other.

When she was caught by her husband, she promised never to do it again but she persisted in sending messages to the other guy. Lots of married women who are like that.

All that for what? For missing out on sex? For not having the courage to tell her husband that she too has needs of her own and that she wants sex on a regular basis? That she has too much pride to ask her husband for physical intimacy yet shameless in getting into a relationship with another married guy?

Perhaps if she possessed more self control and discipline and values rooted in integrity, honesty and loyalty and really a deeper concept of what is morally right and wrong, she could have resisted. But judging from what she said, she blamed the other guy for courting her when he knew that she is already married. She pointed an accusing finger to the man she claimed to illicitly love rather than accept the fact that she's as much to blame maybe even more so for having an affair.

Honestly, how can you have sympathy for someone like that? And knowing that you presented yourself as very respectable and shy, how can you face your officemates knowing that they are talking about you behind your back? How can you face your daughters? Well, i was told by her husband that she comes from a family which is just like her. How can you face everyone who knows you?

Which leads me to ask the question: how to raise daughters with strong moral values that will protect them from people who will use love and money to lure them into a life of promiscuity?

What Should I Pray About?

Dear Almighty God,

How are you able to forgive and forgive fully? You see, i need Your help right now. I've been lied to,insulted and hurt so many times, it would seem i have lost the ability to trust. How do you trust someone who repeatedly lie to you and spread rumors about you to justify their wrongdoing?

Is my prayer correct? Should i be praying instead to have the strenght To leave?

I really wanna know.

Dead Man Walking

Already broken, already gone
Already know you're moving on
Im a dead talking, im a deadman walking
Already seeing someone in my place

My Own Kind of Demon, Then And Now

Here we go again. Here i go again. Sometimes, i wonder if i possess a little bit more pride than i should have, this pain could have disappeared a long time ago, and i would have been peaceful now. If i was braver than i am now, if i wasn't so afraid of struggling financially, maybe i wouldn't be suffering this intensely. Why else would someone stay where she's not wanted. For your sake, what are you doing to yourself. How can you possess so little self-respect and allow someone to abuse you emotionally and verbally?

What kind of upbringing it is that teaches children to persevere in suffering? If i was a metal and this trial of mine is the furnace, i probably am already gold right now.

But then again, i'll probably have other demons to face.

The Genius that is Mozart

I was able to download for free the whole works of Mozart. Even now, I still couldn't help but be amaze at how he composed all of it. And that coming from someone who doesn't know anything about piano, at all!

Do geniuses like him have problems as basic as jealousy? Did it make him any happier knowing that he has a talent that the whole world recognizes as simply genius?was he ever insecure?

Am asking because, it seems that the opposite of genius is stupidity. Someone who keeps doing what she is doing and expects different results.!

O This Feelings!

I wish i could feel the love again. Or be secured again. Or that feeling of contentment again. Waking up at 3 am and feeling that hollow feeling inside seems to be the order of the day.

I know, i know , put everything in perspective. Worst things have happened to other people. In fact, i should be thankful right now. And i am, believe me. Yet, i can't shake off that feeling of emptiness. You will never know it unless you are in my shoes.

I thank God for a lot of things, for everyday in fact, for His abundant material blessings and for my family. I am. I truly do. Does it make me less thankful if i say that i am still depressed?

No more drama, please.

Exit Wound

I don't think i'll ever gonna be ok. There are days when i don't even think about it. There are days when there's just no stopping the tears and the anger just keep on building up.

How do i get over past it? Is it ever worth my struggle?

Raining Cats and Dogs

Honestly, did you really think it's all just going to go away because i seemed ok?

Nope. You've broken the glass trust so many times, it seemed like when i handed you a new one doesn't really matter because you think my supply is inexhaustible. I thought so too. I don't have to hold on to something that's meaningless to you. In fact, everything would probably just going to be fine without you.

The next time you act the wounded party, Stop! You're not. Sell your act somewhere will someone may yet believe you. As for me, those words out of your mouth are just empty rhetorics meant to hook someone into believing what a good and dignified person you are. Stop the drama.

I hate you. And i never hated anyone before.

Diamond Peel For Less

Last week, i bought 4 diamond peel services at Let's Face It for the price of 2! For only 990, you can already have 2 sessions of diamond Peel. That's 50 % savings! Hurry , you might yet be able to catch it.

The Calm That Fresh Linen Brings

I think everyone agrees with me that one of the things we love about being in hotels is the clean, crisp and matching bed linens.

Last week, SM Megamall hold a Home sale at Tektite and i purchased 2 sets of bed lines at a much lower price! I figured, might as well have 2 sets to avail of the 0 percent interest for 4 months. Daphne linens were not on sale but canadian does and a lot others with thread count of 360.

I figured, our bedroom should be as relaxing as can be so as to help us recharge after a long days work. Itis a good thing to indulge ourselves in guiltless pleasure once in a while.

Why I Want To Be Obscenely Wealthy!

Bo Sanchez inspires a lot of people including me. With the values that i have, i figured i needed a valud reason to become rich. If i want to get rich just because it's more fun to have more money than none couldn't just be a reason alone for me. There has to be more.

So these are my reasons for wanting to be wealthy:

1. To provide for my family so well that we can take vacations to anywhere that we want to, send my children to schools without worrying about the costs. Family to me includes my parents, siblings and in-laws in addition to my husband and children and any other member of my household like yaya ann.

2. I would like to adopt a foundation or start one if there isn't one yet that takes women and children off the streets. I want to be able to give them hope for a better life, to have dignity, to be re-educated so that their confidence in themselves will be restored, to train them to be productive and earning members of our society, to give them temporary shelter until they are brave enough to stand on their own. That alone needs an obscene amount of money.

3. To be honest about it, there are somethings in life that i would have wanted for myself if only i have so much money. Like being able to dine
In the finest restaurants, buy all the books i want, a kindle fire, beauty treatments i am not able to afford now.

So i better start now. Hopefully, before the year ends i will already be on my way to becoming wealthy just like Henry Sy.

Another Lesson In Plumbing

Woke up to the sound of water gushing out from our CR's water pipe. It turned out, the faucet was ripped off from the pipe due to the strong water pressure.

I knew that we had a leak somewhere and i particularly know that there is a minor leak in that faucet. When our water bill reached 10k this month, i asked our neighborhood plumber to do a re-piping from the MW line to our house and paid him 3.5k just for that while materials cost about 5k in all.

For the life of me, i didn't think of having the leak inside the bathroom repaired when i see it day after day. I just ignored it. Normally, i could always deduce well. A small leak now could burst any minute over time but i didn't think that way. I should have addressed it while i still could. I still could address the plumbing problems even now that it burst.

As it is in plumbing, so it is in real life. I wonder if the leaks or 'problems' that we have has been tightly addressed.

How does one correct someone who has a serious morality issue? What does one say to somebody who knows that what he is doing is wrong and yet he still plotted and planned until he achieved it? Is it even up to you to punish that person? And how do you punish that person without compromising your own moral values?

As a parent of three girls, i wonder at night if I am raising them correctly with all the proper values that will guide them later in life. I see lots of misguided young women today and women of my generation without a strong set of values. For the sake of small trinkets or even in the name of 'love', they enter into relationships with married men and even justify it. How were they raised? I'd like to know because i do not want to raise my daughters like that.

As for me and my sisters, i'd like to say that my parents trained us well. But i can't recall a single defining moment to become who we are now. I do remember that we constantly go to church every sunday without fail as a family. Sure, they were not perfect and we all have our own issues but i'd like to think that values wise and morality wise, we are properly anchored. It could not have been that i was not tempted. It's probably because i look incorruptible or that i stay away from sticky situations before it becomes one.

Could i be addressing this particular leak in my life just in time? Correctly even?